Daylight brings the darkest thoughts.

There is just something about sunlight, some devastating reality that you can’t turn the light off to, about the way it always manages to come in through the smallest crack in the room and remind you of what you should be doing at this time of the day. Because there is still sunlight, because it’s daytime and even though you close your eyes and press them together as hard as your headache hurts, it’s still daytime and you should probably be out of bed by now.

That’s probably why I only write at night, the feeling that comes along with it that it’s over no matter if you lost or won or fought a hundred battles today or maybe even just the start of one, now it’s over. Even with your eyes open the darkness and the familiarity that takes over your heart make you feel at home, at the end of a battle, when you can finally put your efforts to rest and breathe in like you haven’t done in the day that seemed to be a century. But no matter how many defeats you take down to your pillow tonight, no matter how big or small they are or the feeling that this is the last one you could take, no matter that even with your eyes open you can’t see yourself in the mirror, remember to close them. Close them tight and remind your lungs how heavily they can breathe, because no matter how big or small, it’s never about the battle but about showing up to the big war.

Daylight brings the darkest thoughts.

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